Hard to get Pregnant

After In-vitro 3 times, frozen transfer 1 time, 5 other fertility attempts, 1 non-viable pregnancy, pregnancy with triplets that ended up with this one.

My journey has been hard and long. It was worth every tear, every needle prick, every disappointing result, every argument and every nickle we spent. This trial felt more like an education in how to succeed. I learned through this that there is no failure. God gives you the strength to press on and IF I needed to adopt, I would still be saying the exact same thing because success takes on different shapes. It is not limited. We place limits and God removes them. This baby represents everything good that my fellow bloggers have been working toward. I remember reading blogs saying prayers for people and sending them positive thoughts. I somehow thought my time may never come. Even in the dark recess of my mind, I felt that maybe I did something to deserve this horrid experience. Each step felt challenging. I wondered if I would ever have it easy.

Life is not easy. It’s worth can be counted by how you live. Each breath that you are given should be used to find a positive and to avoid the negative. Understand your situation. Cry… come on… We cry a lot through this journey. You can do this.

When she was born via c-section: I had a panic attack. Everything came down to this. You need a doctor that you can depend on during crunch time. My Doctor is the best doctor on the planet. Her name is Jennifer Kaplan at Women’s Health Consultants in Novi Michigan. She as well as her partners are fabulous to work with. They all helped me to bring home Zoe Spearman successfully. Her names means LIFE. She has given me a new pep in my step. Everytime I look into her beautiful face I remind myself that the journey was well worth the prize.

I am sitting on the couch this morning with my eyes filled with tears as I approach week 27. It is amazing to go through so much to get pregnant then when you finally do it never dawns on you that it may be a challenge to carry the baby. With a shortened cervix and an invitro pregnancy the doctors are watching me fervently. I have been in the hospital for a couple of days. I have had steroid shots and I am still positive. My cervix should be at 3.2 right now and its at 1.65. I have started a new treatment using Crinone and it seems to have helped slow the shrinking because I was measuring at 2.0 five weeks ago. I am praying that I keep shrinking at this snails pace. Now that I am almost 27 weeks my sisters decided to move my baby shower til after the baby is born and since it was going to be a gender shower (where I find out the sex of the baby) They came over on sunday and did a big drum roll. I am having a little girl. YIPPEEE. Can you see the chesire cat smile on my face? I am thrilled down to my baby toe. Her name is Zoe Jeane’. It is a long hard journey to 37 weeks but I am counting down with a huge smile on my face. This is the best work I have ever done and I am thanking God every single second for this opportunity.

No matter what you are going through, keep the faith. Its all we have to hold on too.

WHAT IS A SHORTENED CERVIX from www.healthy-mother.com

The cervix is the narrow, tubular, lower end of the uterus that extends into the vagina. When you’re not pregnant, the cervical canal remains open a tiny bit to allow sperm to enter the uterus and menstrual blood to flow out. Once you become pregnant, secretions fill the canal and form a protective barrier called the mucous plug. During a normal pregnancy, the cervix remains firm, long, and closed until late in the third trimester. At that point it usually starts to soften, shorten (efface) and open up (dilate) as your body prepares itself for labor.

Cervix is located in the lower part of the Uterus. (source: A.D.A.M and Medline)
Normally, in the late second and early third trimester the cervical length measures anywhere between 3 cm to 3.5 cm (30-35mm) and decreases progressively as the pregnancy advances, in preparation for labor (source: Obstetrics and Gynecology Board Review Manual).

In cervical insufficiency, the cervix becomes softer and weaker than normal or is abnormally short to begin with. It may efface and dilate without contractions in the second or early third trimester as the weight of the growing baby puts increasing pressure on it. This condition can sometimes result in second term miscarriage, or premature rupture of the bag of waters, which can then result in preterm labor, especially before the 34th week.

It is a miracle. I have made it to 18 weeks. Just as some of you said at around 15 weeks I got a cute little baby bulge. I am thrilled beyond imagination. Yesterday, I was reading a magazine and came across an article about women and pregnancy. It was interesting to see the new trends and changes since the 70′s and the 80′s. What caught my attention most was the thought that women today are having children later in life in their 30′s/40′s and that more women today are infertile. I was on a plane this week chatting with a young lady and she shared her in-vitro experience with me. Now, 2 children later and only in her early 30′s she has 2 children both through in-vitro. I met another young lady during a class that I was teaching. She is pregnant with twins. As we chatted I found out that she was only 26 and infertile. She was also pregnant through in-vitro. These experiences lead me to a bigger question. Is fertility becoming a new issue for young women? I am often surprised when I visit the fertility office at the huge number of women in the waiting area. I read another medical article that states 1 in 13 women experience fertility issues. It never crossed my mind until I encountered this journey. It seems that there is some comfort in knowing that I am not alone. With this challenging new discovery there is also hope.

The advances in technology are mind-boggling.

I knew the sex of my baby at 13 weeks. This is a process that is normally done at 20 weeks but because of my age, I had a genetic test and in exactly 1 day, I had results. I didn’t find out the sex of the baby,”yet”. I had the doctor tell my sister. She is sworn to secrecy. I am embellishing every moment of this pregnancy. I learn something new every day and I am filled with awe at this wonderful miracle growing inside me. In the past, I viewed pregnancy as a normal part of life. It was almost “common” for lack of a better word. Now, I understand that it is really not so common and not so easy. It is a true testiment to the fortitude of a woman. Motherhood is more than a word it is an active experience that begins the day the doctor says “you are pregnant”. I thank God everyday for the little one growing in me and I must admit in-vitro is expensive but worth every cent.

This journey has been full of ups and downs. I am still happy and joyous with our one little baby at 9 weeks and 5 days. I started with 3 and ended with 1 and I am glad that God blessed me. I am looking at how the baby develops and the ultra sound picture looks like a little gummy bear. For all of you our there still trying don’t give up!

It has been 4 long years of fertility treatments. All of my internet pals have been supportive and I am still going through this journey. I started off pregnant with triplets. They have since reduced themselves down to twins. I have been so sick and smiling all through it. People say many things about fertility. I will say this. Keep your faith, stay the course and don’t give up, your day will come. Today is the best day of my life. I got to see the babies inside of me. I am experiencing the miracle of of just carrying a life. God is so exponetially gracious and I am happy to be included in His plan to produce another productive citizen into this world today.

My numbers look good so far. My eyes are filled with joy and tears. It has been 5 long years of waiting for the day the doctor called me and said those words “your numbers are good”. So we all know that this is only the beginning. My Baby Baker Friend out there. I remember the journey to week 6 for you. Say a prayer for me that I progress as well as you have. Kendi said that small spotting is implantation bleeding. I looked it up and this is true. I am so excited. God is faithful. I am looking for good numbers on monday. Say a prayer with me.

I have to say today that I am starting to have more panic moments. I want to go and test myself. I keep squeezing my breasts to see if there are any changes. I had 4 embryo’s transferred just over 1 week ago. I am taking my progesterone and estrogen every day. I had acupuncture this week to help me relax. I had one scare. I started spotting and my hopes were deflated faster than a flat tire. TWW’s out there (two week waiters) We can do this.

Surviving the 2-Week Wait

These past weeks may have been filled with a wide array of emotions for you and your partner. With your embryo transfer complete, you have entered into a period that can often induce much anxiety, and potential stress, paired with excitement and joy. Below are very important ways for you to “survive the two week wait”, and not lose yourself in the consuming nature of anticipation.

Often times in the midst of fertility treatments, our fear of failure and hopes are more heightened. There are many ‘what-ifs’ floating around. What if the cycle fails? Will we try again? Can we afford to try again? Do I want to try again?  It is important that you give yourself some grace during this time, and pay close attention to how you are feeling, and how your journey is affecting your life. If you are feeling overly anxious, tearful, lack of concentration, feeling disconnected from your partner… it is important that you take time for yourself and seek out time with your counselor. Managed stress and anxiety will not only improve your ability to conceive, but allow your relationships to stay intact, and provide you with deserved self-care and support during this time.  

Two-Week Wait Survival Tip #1 – Stop Obsessing Over “Pregnancy Symptoms”

It is often met with rolling eyes when we say try not to obsess over symptoms you may be having after your procedure. The wait can seem impossible.  Many of these early perceived signs of pregnancy are caused by the hormones that are naturally present every two-week wait. Feeling pregnant does not always mean that you are, and keeping in mind that the “signs” don’t mean anything can help lower your anxiety. Continue reading Surviving the 2-Week Wait

Today, I had 4 embryos transferred today.  I decided not to do the PGS test because of the cost.  It was $4,000 extra that I didn’t have to spare right after christmas.  So I opted not to.  Now is the time that we enjoy and that we also dread.  I had great blasts.  I ended up with 10 but only 7 were really good.  I had an A+, B+, B, B, C,C,C, non, non, non.  This was good but I think it could have been better.  Continue reading Third time is the charm? I hope

After 30 days of taking birth control to get my menstrual cycle under the doctors control, I started the Micro-dose lupron protocol on Christmas day.  I am beginning Gonal F and Menopur today.  These protocols can be confusing.  The easiest way to get these concoctions exactly right is to lay everything out along with the instructions.  I pin them on my bulletin board and mix it all up and take the shot.  You get really good at it after a few days.  If you have been through in-vitro a few times like me then you also may want to consider genetic testing.  Continue reading Its almost time